Words are important. I once wrote about the salient difference between what you do and who you are.
I spent years saying that I “was a musician”. It was easy to say, and everyone knew what it meant. But then the day arrived where I no longer wanted to do it anymore. And you know what happened?
I lost who I was.
If instead I had been proclaiming that I played music instead of that I was a musician, it would have been less a struggle for my identity. After all, we can choose to do lots of things, and it doesn’t affect who we are.
These subtle changes, like saying that you do something instead of are something, can make big changes in what we convey to others.
And so it is when talking about smartphones too.
The conversation and the response
In conversation, the inevitable assumption will happen at some point:
“Do you have the app?” “You can just look it up on your phone.“
There can be any number of these questions and statements. But they all assume that a smartphone is in your pocket.
Originally, I never knew how to respond. I would say, “Sorry, I don’t have a smartphone.”
(Eventually, I ditched the “sorry“, because what was I apologizing for? Not adhering to social expectations? That’s something to never apologize for!)
After a fair amount of thought, I stopped saying that I don’t have a smartphone, specifically replacing the word “have”.
To have or not to have
To say that one doesn’t have something can signal one of a few things:
- I don’t currently possess it. I own it, but I left it at home, it’s in my bag, etc. This would be an error to communicate, because I don’t actually own one.
- I don’t own one but wish I did. Claiming a lack of ownership can imply a lack of means. I can’t afford it. I lost it. I wish I did, but I don’t. All of which aren’t correct. In my case, if I wanted to I could go out right now and buy a dozen smartphones at full retail price and not have to reach for a credit card. Believe me, if I wanted to own one, I’d have owned one by now.
It’s what you “use” that matters
When you subvert societal expectations, the only way to reclaim power is to proclaim the intentional choice to do so.
So instead of saying “I don’t have a smartphone” I now say “I don’t use a smartphone.“
What’s the difference between have and use?
“Use” implies choice. We can only use tools we have access to. To say that I don’t use a can opener implies that I have found an alternate way to open cans. Clearly there is a can opener available to me, but I have chosen not to use it.
And indeed, it is a choice to not use a smartphone. Almost everyone can get a smartphone if they want one. By this point, financial means aren’t an excuse, and claiming inertia won’t really cut it either. Inertia actually gets you a smartphone now.
But for those who don’t use a smartphone, the choice we make is an intentional one. It’s not something we’ve fallen into for some reason. We have actively decided that the benefits of living The Smartphone Free Life are better than the alternative.
When you subvert societal expectations, the only way to reclaim power is to proclaim the intentional choice to do so.
So it’s more accurate to say that we don’t use a smartphone. We could, but we choose not to. Say that the next time someone assumes otherwise. You have nothing to apologize for.
